When One Parent Disagrees with ABA

Raising a child with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) brings unique challenges, and perhaps none more emotionally charged than disagreements between parents about treatment approaches. Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy, while widely recommended by medical professionals, can become a source of significant conflict when one parent supports it and the other has concerns or outright objects to it.

This disagreement isn’t uncommon—studies show that approximately 30-40% of families with children receiving ABA therapy experience some level of parental disagreement about the approach. Understanding how to navigate these differences is crucial for your child’s wellbeing and your family’s harmony.

Understanding Why Parents Disagree About ABA

The Complexity of ABA Therapy

ABA therapy is an evidence-based treatment approach that focuses on improving specific behaviors and teaching new skills through systematic reinforcement and data collection. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recognizes ABA as an effective intervention for autism spectrum disorder, with research showing that intensive ABA therapy can lead to significant improvements in communication, social skills, and adaptive behaviors.

However, the intensity and methodology of ABA can be concerning to some parents. Traditional ABA programs often require 25-40 hours per week of structured intervention, which can feel overwhelming to families already managing the demands of raising a child with autism.

Common Concerns About ABA

Parents who disagree with ABA therapy often cite several key concerns:

Philosophical Differences: Some parents worry that ABA focuses too heavily on compliance and conformity rather than accepting their child’s natural autism traits. This concern has gained traction within the neurodiversity movement, which advocates for acceptance rather than “normalization” of autistic behaviors.

Intensity and Time Commitment: The recommended 25-40 hours per week can strain family resources and limit time for other activities, leading some parents to question whether such intensity is necessary or beneficial.

Historical Practices: Earlier forms of ABA sometimes used aversive techniques, and while modern ABA has evolved significantly, some parents remain concerned about these historical associations.

Financial Burden: ABA therapy can cost $40,000-$60,000 per year without insurance coverage, creating additional stress and disagreement about resource allocation.

Research on Parental Agreement

A 2019 study published in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders found that parental agreement on treatment approaches significantly impacts therapy outcomes. Children whose parents presented a united front showed 23% greater improvement in targeted skills compared to those whose parents disagreed about treatment methods.

Steps to Take When Parents Disagree

1. Create a Safe Space for Discussion

Before diving into research or making decisions, establish ground rules for discussing ABA therapy:

Schedule dedicated time: Don’t discuss this topic during stressful moments or in front of your child
Practice active listening: Each parent should feel heard and understood
Avoid judgment: Remember that both parents want what’s best for their child
Focus on shared goals: Identify what you both hope to achieve for your child’s development

2. Educate Yourselves Together

Knowledge is power when making informed decisions about your child’s treatment. Consider these steps:

Attend consultations together: Meet with board-certified behavior analysts (BCBAs) as a team to ask questions and observe therapy sessions.

Research current practices: Modern ABA has evolved significantly from its early iterations. Look into naturalistic and play-based ABA approaches that may address some concerns.

Connect with other families: Join support groups or online communities where you can hear from parents who have experience with ABA therapy.

Consult multiple professionals: Seek opinions from your child’s pediatrician, developmental pediatrician, and other autism professionals.

3. Consider Alternative or Complementary Approaches

If one parent has strong objections to traditional ABA, explore these alternatives:

Natural Environment Training (NET): A form of ABA that takes place in natural settings and follows the child’s interests and motivation.

Pivotal Response Treatment (PRT): A naturalistic intervention that targets “pivotal” areas of development to create widespread positive changes.

TEACCH (Treatment and Education of Autistic and Communication Handicapped Children): A structured teaching approach that accommodates autism characteristics rather than trying to eliminate them.

Speech and Occupational Therapy: These therapies can address communication and sensory needs that may be primary concerns for your child.

4. Start with a Trial Period

If disagreement persists, consider implementing a structured trial approach:

Agree on specific, measurable goals: What skills or behaviors do you want to see improved?
Set a timeline: Commit to trying ABA for 3-6 months before reassessing
Establish evaluation criteria: How will you measure success or determine if changes are needed?
Plan regular check-ins: Schedule weekly or bi-weekly discussions about progress and concerns

5. Seek Professional Mediation

When parents remain at an impasse, consider working with:

Family therapists specializing in autism: These professionals can help facilitate productive conversations and provide neutral perspective.

Autism advocates or case managers: Many organizations offer family support services to help navigate treatment decisions.

Second opinions from autism specialists: An independent evaluation can provide fresh perspective on your child’s needs and appropriate interventions.

Finding Common Ground: Compromise Strategies

Modified ABA Approaches

Many families find success with modified ABA approaches that address common concerns:

Reduced intensity: Instead of 40 hours per week, start with 10-15 hours and increase gradually if beneficial.

Home-based focus: Implement ABA techniques within daily routines rather than formal therapy sessions.

Child-led learning: Use your child’s interests and preferences to guide therapy goals and activities.

Family involvement: Ensure all family members are trained in ABA techniques to maintain consistency.

Hybrid Treatment Plans

Consider combining ABA with other approaches:

ABA + speech therapy: Address communication needs through multiple modalities
ABA + occupational therapy: Target sensory and motor skills alongside behavioral goals
ABA + social skills groups: Provide natural peer interaction opportunities
ABA + academic support: Integrate behavioral techniques with educational goals

Protecting Your Child’s Wellbeing

Maintaining Unity in Front of Your Child

Research consistently shows that children thrive when parents present a united front. Even when you disagree privately, it’s crucial to:

Avoid discussing disagreements in front of your child: Children can sense tension and may feel responsible for family conflict
Support the agreed-upon approach publicly: If you’ve decided to try ABA, both parents should encourage participation
Regularly reassess and adjust: Be willing to modify the approach based on your child’s response and new information

Monitoring Your Child’s Response

Regardless of the treatment approach you choose, carefully monitor your child’s:

Emotional wellbeing: Are they happy and engaged during therapy?
Progress toward goals: Are they developing new skills and behaviors?
Overall development: How are they progressing socially, academically, and emotionally?
Family relationships: Are therapy demands affecting family time and bonding?

Red Flags to Watch For

If you notice any of these warning signs, reassess your approach immediately:

Regression in previously acquired skills
Increased anxiety, aggression, or self-injurious behaviors
Loss of spontaneous communication or play
Resistance to activities your child previously enjoyed
Significant family stress or relationship strain

Legal and Practical Considerations

Insurance and Funding

Understanding your insurance coverage can impact decision-making:

Autism coverage mandates: Most states require insurance coverage for autism treatments, including ABA
School district responsibilities: Your child may be entitled to ABA services through their Individualized Education Program (IEP)
Medicaid coverage: Many state Medicaid programs cover ABA therapy for children with autism
Private funding: Research grants, scholarships, and nonprofit organizations that may provide financial assistance

Custody and Legal Considerations

For divorced or separated parents, treatment decisions become more complex:

Review custody agreements: Determine who has decision-making authority for medical and educational choices
Seek legal counsel if needed: When parents cannot agree, family court may need to intervene
Document everything: Keep detailed records of therapy sessions, progress reports, and communication with providers
Consider mediation: Many courts prefer parents resolve disputes through mediation before litigation

Building Long-Term Success

Creating a Sustainable Plan

Successful autism treatment requires long-term commitment and flexibility:

Regular progress reviews: Schedule quarterly meetings with your therapy team to assess progress and adjust goals.

Transition planning: Prepare for changes as your child grows and their needs evolve.

Skill generalization: Ensure skills learned in therapy transfer to home, school, and community settings.

Family training: All family members should understand and support your child’s treatment goals.

Preparing for the Future

Consider how current treatment decisions will impact your child’s long-term development:

Independence skills: Focus on self-care, communication, and social skills that promote independence
Educational planning: Coordinate therapy goals with school-based interventions
Community integration: Practice skills in real-world settings to promote generalization
Advocacy skills: Teach your child to self-advocate as they mature

When to Seek Additional Support

Professional Resources

Don’t hesitate to reach out for additional support when:

Parental disagreement significantly impacts your relationship: Consider couples counseling with someone familiar with autism and disability issues
Your child isn’t making progress: Reassess the treatment approach and consider alternative interventions
Financial stress becomes overwhelming: Explore funding options and consider modified treatment intensity
Family stress affects other children: Ensure siblings receive adequate attention and support

Support Networks

Building a strong support network is essential:

Local autism support groups: Connect with other families facing similar challenges
Online communities: Join forums and social media groups for parents of children with autism
Extended family education: Help grandparents and other relatives understand your child’s needs and treatment approach
School collaboration: Work closely with teachers and school staff to maintain consistency across settings

Conclusion

Disagreement between parents about ABA therapy is more common than many families realize, and it’s a challenge that can be overcome with patience, communication, and compromise. The key is remembering that both parents want what’s best for their child and that there isn’t necessarily one “right” answer for every family.

Success often comes from finding a middle ground that addresses the concerns of both parents while prioritizing the child’s individual needs and wellbeing. Whether that means trying a modified ABA approach, combining multiple therapies, or exploring alternative interventions entirely, the most important factor is that parents work together as a team.

Remember that treatment decisions aren’t permanent. What works for your family today may need adjustment as your child grows and develops. Stay flexible, keep communication open, and don’t hesitate to seek professional support when needed. With patience and persistence, most families can find an approach that works for everyone involved.

The journey of raising a child with autism is challenging enough without the added stress of parental disagreement. By working together, staying informed, and keeping your child’s best interests at the center of all decisions, you can navigate these disagreements and find a path forward that strengthens both your child’s development and your family’s unity.

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